How Do You Tell Someone
by dk-joy
Summary: Hakkai tells his friends some important, and sad, news.


Warnings: Shounen ai/yaoi (later) Gojyo x Hakkai x Gojyo, language (later), blood (later), eventual deathfic (maybe).

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki and I don't make any money off of this – it's all just something to occupy my sick, twisted mind.

How Do You Tell Someone

Chapter 1: Same words, different sound.

If you stepped into Doctor Ichitani's office at a certain time, on a certain day, you would have seen a very normal-seeming scene. There was a thirty year old man walking out of one of the exam rooms with a small smile. He wore a loose, long-sleeved black shirt and khaki slacks that fit him snugly but were not quite what you would call tight. His brown boots just peeked out from under the hem of his pants. He had brown hair parted to the side. It nearly covered his right eye, which was hidden behind a monocle. His eyes were closed as he smiled more brightly than he had seconds ago, as if it was somewhat of an effort. The nice young lady at the register called him over to pay and he quickly walked over to her, his eyes opening to reveal beautiful emerald green eyes that caused the lady to gasp quietly. He gently asked her how much he owed and she shook herself and told him. He pulled out a brown leather wallet and paid her in cash, saying no receipt or change was necessary.

Hakkai walked out of the Doctor's office calmly enough, to his credit. He also walked through the village as if he was not in a rush. As if what he had found out less than ten minutes ago wasn't such a big deal. As if he hadn't just heard something that changed the indefinite and unknowable into something too definite and much too soon. He glanced at his right hand, at his life line, and decided not to think about it for now.

Hakkai and Gojyo had lived in this town before their journey and now they lived here again, in the same little house, five years after the resurrection of Gyumaoh was prevented. Sanzo was now 31, Hakkai and Gojyo were 30, and Goku was 503 years old, give or take a few. Their journey had taken longer than expected and longer than it rightfully should have thanks to Ni Jianyi. He had somehow sent them nearly completely back to their starting point with some kind of combination of black magic and science. The trip back to the evil doctor had been hastened by their rage and the use of some dragons 'stolen' from the Kougaiji-taichi (they weren't such bad people after all). Once Gyumaoh's resurrection had been prevented, Gojyo and Hakkai had come back to the village. Sanzo and Goku went back to Chang An temple.

Hakkai's calm demeanor, so engrained into his being as to be second nature, almost broke under the pressure of such a small thing. Smiling. For the thousandth time, he thought that he shouldn't have walked through the market. He came here almost daily, so nearly everyone knew him and several knew that he had gone to the doctor this morning. How much longer could he keep lying to them and himself?

"I'm just fine" rolled off of his tongue like a dead weight. Lies!

"Just my yearly checkup." "There's nothing wrong with me. I'm just a little tired – like most people, I have never really enjoyed going to the doctor and I am just relieved that it is over with."

He just couldn't tell these people that he barely knew. Not until he told THEM.

"I'm…"

Their house wasn't in the village proper – it was in the woods, away from prying eyes. He started to run as soon as he was sure that the humans of the village could no longer see him enough to wonder at his frantic pace. He opened the door with more force than he ever had, which was still less than Gojyo used on a daily basis. He closed the door behind him and called out "Gojyo!" though he normally would have waited to regain his breath.

Hakuryu flew towards him with a confused "kyu" and landed on his shoulder. Hakkai realized why the little dragon was so confused soon after – Gojyo was not home.

"How silly of me to forget – he went in search of a job this morning, didn't he?" When he fell back against the door, Hakuryu made worried noises.

"I'm…" Hakkai stopped. He'd been about to lie again. He decided that it was okay to tell Hakuryu first – before Goku, Sanzo, or even Gojyo. It would be good practice. He could just imagine how the others would react if he just blurted it out. It wasn't a pretty picture. He took a deep breath and said it aloud for the first time since he had found out.

"I'm dying."

He had said it with such resignation and sadness that he was startled by the sound. He tried again.

"I'm dying." Too flippant – like he didn't care and never had. Again.

"I'm dying." Perfect – absolutely emotionless.

"How was that, Hakuryu?" Hakuryu didn't seem to agree. The sound of his "kyu" told Hakkai a lot.

"Gojyo would not approve" he stated. Hakuryu kyu'd agreement.

While Hakuryu couldn't speak, he could give Hakkai impressions of who or what he was referring to through the odd link they shared. While they also communicated with sounds, their real points were understood through non-verbal communication. The demon and the dragon could mentally send each other vague impressions of colors and shapes. Hakuryu had made a disapproving sound and sent him the color red, so Hakkai knew that he was saying that Gojyo would not like the way he had said it. If he had sent the color purple or gold, he knew that Hakuryu would be referring to Sanzo or Goku respectively. Whether he was saying that he disapproved of someone or if he was saying that someone else disapproved of something was based on context clues. He thought about Hakuryu's opinion on the matter and decided that he was correct – the way he had said it – so emotionless that it went beyond resignation and bordered fatalism – would really push Gojyo's buttons.

"So for Sanzo a very slight sadness to indicate that I am taking it seriously, but not so much that he is uncomfortable. A little more sadness for Goku since he can't understand subtlety. For Gojyo…" He'd figure it out later – if he were too emotionless, resigned or flippant, Gojyo was sure to fly off the handle.

Hakkai thought about what he was doing for a second and laughed – he was so worried about how to tell his friends that he wasn't allowing himself time to come to terms with what was happening to him. But remembering what the doctor had said, he decided that he was doing the right thing – dying without telling them would make them upset and he would regret it even in the afterlife if that happened.

TBC…

Author's Notes: Next chapter will show Sanzo, Goku, and Gojyo's reactions to the news and a little more, hopefully.

Review to save Hakkai!!!


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